I Get It!

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.  Matthew 6:33-34 (NLT)

Do you ever have a moment where, all of a sudden, something clicks and you think, wow, I get it!  I had one of those moments last week on my way home from work.  I was listening to WBGL, our local Christian radio station, and the DJ was talking about Singer/Songwriter Aaron Shust and his wife who had recently given birth to their third baby boy and he had been diagnosed with Downs Syndrome just moments after his birth, which completely took them by surprise.  I can only imagine.

So I started thinking back to all the times I have pondered the What If's in life, such as:  What if my child had been born with some sort of disease or illness that would have made them dependent on me for life?  What if our child could never live out on their own?  (Major concern for Jay and I:) What if something happens to Jay or myself and we don't get to have that happily ever after retirement together, traveling and doing fun stuff, watching our grandchildren grow up?  What if something happens to my parents or my in-laws and they aren't around anymore for support and to watch our children grow?  What if suddenly I had some sort of disease or injury that made it impossible for me to work a job I love?

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen someone else in one of these situations and thought, oh, my goodness, I don't know what I would do or how I would handle it. How will they ever be able to do this or that or have any freedom?  (All extremely selfish thoughts when I think about them.)  I've also had lots of pity for those in these situations because their lives were not going to turn out right, according to their plan, and they would have to change their course completely.  Yuck.

I am a planner.  Some would say that is an oxymoron...Sarah a planner...because I'm also a very disorganized person, always running late, always procrastinating, always a step behind, but in my own little world (love that song by Matthew West, by the way), I like to plan things.  I love to make lists and put things on a calendar...all things that I can easily control and accomplish without a huge decision-making process.  I think I am a very disorganized/organized person.  Ha.

I have a life plan.  So far so good basically.  The little bumps in my road have been minor, very minor.  I have had a few curves thrown in there every now and then, and at a couple T-roads, that I wasn't seeing on my radar, I have had to make decisions on which route to take.  But all in all, I have had it very, very good and so far my life hasn't been disrupted so much to throw me/us off course.

So what was my epiphany?  Here I was thinking about how awful it would be if something were to happen to mess up my life because I have it all planned out and I'm listening to this story about how this couple has had this child with Downs and how that is going to screw up their life...and it totally hits me (almost like a bucket falling from the attic) it doesn't matter what my plan is, does it?  I wish now that I had pulled over and recorded all of my thoughts because it was just like a sudden realization that I had never even considered and it was almost as if I took a very deep breath...like, it's okay, Sarah, no matter what happens on this earth, the only future you need to focus on is in Heaven and Jesus has your back...nothing that comes along on this earth (as painful as it might be) can steer you off course if you follow Him...because at this point, the only course you should be following is the one that leads to Heaven.

I smiled.  I was so relieved.  I have no idea why this had never occurred to me before.  You know, just like the birds of the sky who do not plant, harvest and store up their food in barns for tomorrow because God provides for them, and surely we are more valuable to God than a bird, that passage is found in Matthew 6:19-34.  Read that over if you want to be reassured that we are not to worry.  It is a fabulous reminder of our importance to God and the trust we need to have Him.  He already has my life plan mapped out, all He asks of me is that I seek His kingdom.  I don't see anywhere in that passage about Sarah's retirement trips and their importance or at what age my children will be living out on their own.  (Shocking, I know)

Suddenly a weight has been lifted.  I must not live life according to what my plans are, but I need to trust in what God's plan is for me.  (See Jeremiah 29:11)   I think it is perfectly okay to daydream about an awesome vacation or about seeing something amazing (like the Grand Canyon).  I still hope to travel some day to places I have never been.  It is scary, for me, to think that I do not know what my future holds, but I need to remember who holds my future and I must trust Him.  Whether or not, I get to see the islands of Hawaii or make my dream trip to the orphanage in India makes no difference to God, nor will it compare to the glories of Heaven.  I won't even give it a second thought once I reach those pearly gates and walk the streets of gold...