Itchy-itchy-eeeew

I have no idea if that is how you spell itchy-itchy-eeeew, but you'll get it soon enough.  There are a few creatures on earth that I cannot seem to find a true purpose for...today I will speak on the louse or lice.  I know that now your head is just starting to itch...

I was fortunate enough growing up to not experience the horror (to put it nicely) of head lice.  (My mother owes me for that too.)  I have been unfortunate enough as a parent with a daughter who has long, thick hair to experience it twice.  It is terrible.

The first time she was in first grade and I had absolutely no clue what to do.  I got the call while at work (50 miles away) and was horrified and a swarm of nerves all the way home...after picking up a lice kit at the CVS...which was the most embarrassing thing ever...at least almost.  I did what the instructions said, although I was a little freaked out by all the warnings on the shampoo, so I was careful not to overdo it and hurt her little scalp.  Then I sat her down and picked through her hair.  Pretty good, I thought. Sent her back to school the next day.  (I know that you are itchin' all over now, aren't ya?)

And was called again that I had not gotten rid of the nits or eggs.  Okay, here we go again.  I was frantic and bewildered because I felt like I had done a fairly good job.  So I sought advice from my friend "Beth" who was a grade school teacher.  She said she would come over and we could look through her hair together.  Cool.  Apparently, I had no idea what I was doing the day before when I spent two hours picking through my daughter's hair...because the things "Beth" was showing me (stupid nits), I had paid no attention to...oops.

We even took her up to the school and used a big lamp with a magnifying glass on it and checked through her hair.  I was not sending her back to school again without that head being spotless.  The nits are clear or translucent and tiny, easily overlooked.  We got it under control and that was that.

Until last year...and yes, I thought that because my daughter was older that we were past this.  Nope.  Lice has no age requirement.  Eeeew.  This time I was completely ignorant and kept buying dandruff shampoos because I thought she had a dry scalp.  It was wintertime and she always battles dandruff and an itchy scalp.  (I know what you're doing right now, scratch-scratch.)  I even asked a hairdresser for an opinion on shampoo, I never once thought that, duh, it could be those awful little pests.  But it was.

And of course, this conclusion was reached about 8:00 p.m. on a winter school night with the closest Walmart 20 miles away.  Jay was working.  I made a dash to the local Walmart, the best I could with snow on the roads and came back to begin the treacherous task of shampooing and pick, pick, picking.  Nitpicking.  It was, again, just terrible.  Not even my worst enemy deserves head lice.  Yuck.  And I have told one of my friends with three daughters who have long hair that if they ever have the pleasure of this experience, she must call me and I will come help her.  I cannot imagine dealing with more than one head of hair.  Thankfully, none of the rest of us ever got it.

I also learned that unless you spend countless hours, and yes, I mean hours of nit-picking, you won't get the problem under control.  My daughter thought she knew who always had it in their class back in first grade and she would sometimes make mean comments about her.  I told her that it wasn't her fault, it was more her mother's and her mother had her hands full with multiple children.  I cannot even imagine that battle.  I felt sorry for the whole family.

The other part of that battle is that it is costly.  I think the kit with the shampoo and comb and maybe some special gel or whatever is maybe $12-$14 approximately.  Now multiply that by four or five or six...and you're not going to have food, toilet paper or gas money for two weeks.  It is sad.  And so the cycle continues. 

These good-for-nothing pests like clean hair.  The cleaner the better.  Tip:  load the hair up with mousse or hair gel and hair spray.  I would also blow dry Mad's hair instead of letting it air dry because they don't like heat either.  We even smothered her hair in real mayonnaise each time because someone told us it helps to smother them out (they can hold their breath for a little while). 

I put this useful information and skill to use last summer at a camp.  Wow, what an experience.  I checked probably 50 heads of hair in the blazing hot summer June sun for lice.  It was quite a day.  I wanted to just take a bath in bleach or maybe a whole bottle of that magic shampoo.  It was awful and something I do not plan to repeat.  I suppose I can say that God started preparing me for that task five years ago, huh?  Ha. 

I'm sorry that I've given you the squirmies and that you're scratching your hair like crazy.  If you ever have a problem with lice and need some help or a tip, give me a shout.  Unfortunately, I feel like an expert on the subject.  Eeeew.