Do you ever wonder what if...

I just stopped doing all the stuff that I do?  Would anyone notice?  Would they notice but not really get it?  Those of you out there who are doers, you know what I'm talking about.

I was just imagining on my lunch hour, after spending almost the entire hour in Wal-Mart grocery shopping, that sometimes I just want to quit doing all of this stuff that I'm doing.   And then I kinda grinned and snickered because my family would not know what to do.

It cracks me up when I ask my children to sort the laundry and put away THEIR clothes...it's like I've asked them to do something completely out of this world, like it's an inconvenience and because I'm mom, it's my job.  I would venture to guess that about 70% of the time, I sort, fold and put away everyone's laundry without asking for any help.  So what if I only did my laundry and left them to fend for themselves?

And about the dirty dishes...I know it's hard to complain when you have a dishwasher, and I have mentioned this before, but why am I the only person that can put the dishes in the dishwasher?  Especially after I have literally just finished emptying out the sink full of dirty dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher.  I will shut the door to the washer, turn around and someone will have slipped a cereal bowl and spoon back into the empty sink.  Seriously, what if I only concerned myself with the dishes that I myself dirtied?

I was a messy child.  I know that complaining about Madolyn's room being horrific will do little good...and I can't say a whole lot because my room was horrible growing up.  I am proud to say that every single day before I can leave the house, I make my bed (unless Jay is in it, and then sometimes, I will just make my half).  The house can look like a tornado and hurricane have joined together and zeroed in on our house, but if you look in my bedroom, that bed is made.  For some reason, that makes me feel like my room is clean and I can leave.

I have tried to stage a protest a time or two before and it literally gets me nowhere...but a messier mess than before.  I think I would have to truly let go of just about everything and close my ears and eyes, grin and bear it for a very long time before it would actually work.  But by that point, would I be able to find my way out of the house?  Hoarders from A&E would be moving in...

On my mind 24/7 are the things that I have to do, the places I need to be or get someone else to, the list of grocery items we don't have and need, where will the kids be after school, who will run here if I have to be there...you know, this list could go on and on.  There are other people who seem oblivious to anything or anyone but themselves.  I simply cannot imagine it.  I work with someone who at times is very self-centered.  I don't think it is necessarily his fault, but it is just the way it is.  I think he would freak out if he knew the things that go on in my life, as well as others, after work hours.  I have joked with people that the busiest part of my day is after 4:00.  I bet there are millions of others who could agree with me there.  Sometimes when I'm at work, I can just sit here and breathe for a minute.  It's almost relaxing, like a reprieve of sorts.

One of my least favorite phrases in the English language is "It's not my job."  I realize that in some professions or work places, doing something outside the framework of what is considered "your job" could get you into trouble.  I get it...but what I cannot understand is when someone just closes their mind to the possibility of stepping outside their little box.  I was in a job for 11 years and I can tell you that if I had only done the tasks specifically associated to my defined profession and job, I would have been sitting there at work until midnight.  Yes, I created a hole there that I knew I would never climb out of, but my thought process was to "git 'r done" so that I could git on home.  I could have dug my heels in and refused to do this or that, and that would've gotten me...again, sitting at my desk after closing with an hour drive home. 

I realize that part of my problem here is that I am somewhat of a control-freak.  I often feel as if things won't get done unless I do them...so I just go ahead and do them...and they might also not be done to my standards so I go ahead and do them instead of redoing them later.  I'm trying very hard to not be that way in many areas of my life...specifically because I do not want my family using that as an excuse to not help me around the house.

Sometimes I have this problem at church as well.  Everyone is standing around looking at one another waiting for something to happen and I'll just jump in.  It makes me feel like I'm bossy and want to take charge, but in reality, I just cannot stand to waste valuable time (ha) while someone figures out whose job it is to do something that nearly everyone in the room is capable of doing.  It is kinda sad that people are so worried about screwing something up, they choose not to do...anything.  Boo.

I was in a conversation before Christmas with someone talking about how their extended family expects her and one other person to do everything when it comes to the family get-togethers and I know that happens A LOT with probably almost every family.  There are just some people who don't mind carrying that burden, who like to be in control and who actually thrive on it...but there are also some people who carry on and pretend like it's okay that they get dumped on at every turn and would be absolutely 100% okay if someone else would like to take a turn.  Of course, the fear is that if that same person doesn't take on the project, as usual, no one else will either and the tradition or event will cease to exist.  It is scary.

Too funny, I just went downstairs to get postage on some envelopes and noticed two things...that I don't do unless prompted when the two different people who do those two things are gone.  So there is no docket in the hallway (and hasn't been the last two days) and I have not been dumping the water pitchers from counsel table since our bailiff has been in and out over the holidays (so the water hasn't been too fresh).  I guess I'm just as guilty as the next guy!

I suppose I'm probably sounding pretty whiny just about now...oh, someone has ruffled her feathers, watch out.  No, nothing specific has happened, I'm not mad at anyone, I'm just feeling overloaded and like I would gladly share some duties with someone for a change!  I'm guessing after the holidays, this is common.  I know there are many (of my five readers) out there who have this very same problem.  I certainly don't want it to sound like I am busier than anyone else and do everything and am all-important.  It is just something that I guess I need to work on within me first, then maybe I can get out there, train some newbies and let go :)