What do you say?

Gracious words are a honeycomb,
    sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.    Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)

I must admit I'm rarely ever at a loss for words, which sometimes is to my detriment, I know.  One of the things I struggle with the most is funerals.  What do you say?  What can I possibly say to the family standing there in the visitation line that every person in front of me hasn't said in one way or another?  Sometimes I'm close with one or several of the family members and it is a little easier.  Sometimes I get super lucky and the grieving family member takes care of it and breaks the ice first. 

As I am waiting in the visitation line, I am usually trying to come up with something appropriate to say.  It's particularly hard when the death is somewhat shocking.  I have been fortunate enough in my life so far that I haven't had to be the one standing there on the receiving end.  My grandparents have passed, but none of their deaths were a big surprise to us.  It's always a comfort to know or (assume) that the deceased is a Christian and really is in a better place.  You can go through the usual comments about heaven and seeing other relatives, etc.

One time in particular, I was super nervous about what to say.  I cannot for the life of me remember whose visitation it was, but I remember that I said the absolute dumbest thing one could ever say...in response to their "thanks for coming, have a good evening" or the like, I responded "You too."  As I walked away, I wanted to turn back and say, "NO, I didn't mean to say that!"  It wasn't cruel or mean, but it was just stupid and perhaps, unthoughtful.

It is one of those situations where I know that nothing I offer can or will make anything better.  I honestly do not have a clue how they feel and can't imagine what I could say to help.  For someone who is never at a loss for words, it is pure torture.  In those instances, I really try to think about what I'm going to say before I say it and pray that I don't get caught up in the moment and let something ignorant slip.

I was at a visitation last week for a community member and father of someone I went to school with.  I did the usual rundown in my head as I sauntered up for my turn.  The wife was super sweet (as always), and I managed to say something simple and un-stupid.  I moved on to the children and their spouses, it went fine...as good as it could, you know.

We get back to Jay's parents house to pick up the kids who didn't want to go (and I learned a while back, a funeral home is not safe for my children - missing child...standing on stool overlooking casket).  I run to the restroom real quick, and as I'm getting ready to pull down my slacks, I realize that my pants were completely unzipped.  Of course.  My guess is that no one even noticed...my hope is that no one even noticed.  But all I could think of was, well, if they did, hopefully, they got a good laugh out of it.

This past weekend, in a neighboring town, two families lost children.  One of the families lost a two-year-old from drowning in their pool.  I simply cannot imagine their grief, their pain, their guilt and hope I don't ever have to.  I'm not sure how I would handle a child's visitation or funeral.  It's almost unbearable to even think about.

God mentions in the bible about being quick to listen and slow to speak.  Most of you have probably heard that verse before.  I know it often runs through my mind...and then right out as I sputter out something I shouldn't.  But I found this verse and thought, you know, I truly intend for my words to be gracious and to offer comfort.  They may not always come out that way, but that is my heart's intent.  I suppose that, along with a hug or a handshake, and telling them they're in my prayers is all I can do...and maybe doublecheck my zipper.