Zip it please

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.  Proverbs 20:19 (NIV)

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.  Proverbs 17:27 (NIV)

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts. Proverbs 18:8 & Proverbs 26:22 (NIV) 

I'm having that problem again, the one where I keep running into the same verse or verses regarding the same thought.  Eeck.  Maybe it's because in my heart I know it's something I need to work on, maybe it's because God knows I need to work on it, and/or maybe someone near and dear to me is begging God to beg me to work on it.

I like to talk.  Really.  I mean, like a lot.  I find that I can't help myself.  If there is silence, I need to fix it.  If it is an awkward silence, I awkwardly fill it and it's a disaster.  Sometimes when I am talking, I actually tell myself to shut up because I know I am talking way too much, but it's almost as if I can't help myself...I'm an addict.

So I will consciously try to work on listening more and not talking as much, and then I'm pulled right back in to my comfort zone.  Then I wonder, maybe it's okay if I'm a talker...as long as my talking isn't negative or detrimental to another.  Some people are good listeners, maybe I'm more of a talker?  Someone has to do it, right?

I will say that I get it honest.  My grandma is a talker.  Sometimes when I'm listening to her talk, I think, "Wow, is this how it is when people have to listen to me talk?"  And although I don't want to admit it, I am sure it is!  Ahhh!  The Quackdaddy is a talker.  At this point, I'm not totally tired of hearing him talk yet, but given time, I could be...ha.   When he's 94+ years old and in the nursing home talking my ear off, I might have a change of heart. 

My family likes to tease me about always being on the phone.  I find that humorous because in reality, I don't like talking on the phone.  I would rather talk to someone in person.  I don't feel like I'm on the phone all the time.  Now, grandma was a different story.  Grandma used to be on the phone all the time...and for long periods of time, but that is sooo not me...not yet anyway.  I am still amazed that grandma doesn't want a phone in her room at the nursing home, but she has been persistent about it.  Hmm, maybe she was tired of it?

I guess the biggest problem with my gift-of-gab is that a lot of times, a conversation will become all about me, when really that isn't my intention.  I am working on this area.  I need to ask more about what's going on in others lives, not just focus on my own.  This is where I have a dilemma.  How do I draw the line between being truly concerned/interested and being nosey?  I find myself not asking questions if I'm not sure whether someone will regard my inquiry as prying.

Another drawback of my need to chatter: gossip.  I never set out to intentionally gossip, but it always seems to sneak up on me.  I find myself chatting along and then, Bam! I'm listening to myself say something about someone else that is nothing more than gossip, regardless of how I want to justify it (prayer request, concern, information, etc.)  I've heard all the tips to help you identify gossip before it leaves your mouth, and I think they are wonderful tips.  My problem is the tips don't reach my lips in time.  I find this especially hard as a parent of a 12-year-old daughter! 

In defense of the gossip problem, lately I have tried to keep to myself a little bit more than normal.  Oh my goodness, do you know how hard that is for someone who is social?  It makes me feel anti-social, like I do not want to be around people, but that's not it at all.  It's a problem I need to get under control and it's no one else's fault but my own.  I need to tame my tongue. 

The other snag with talking too much...it's hard to take back what you've already said.  There have been many times when I have said something, later found out it wasn't quite factual, and then had to retrace my steps to correct the information.  It makes me crazy.  It isn't necessarily always damaging information, but misinformation and I hate that. 

As an example, just last week I posted on Facebook about a Pancake breakfast for the wrong week.  Ugh.  I had to correct and repost.  Not a huge deal in the big picture, but my dilemma in this is:  Do I stop trying to promote events knowing I may occasionally screw up the information, or just risk the screw-up and continue trying to promote events?  It's a silly example, but exactly the type of thing I struggle with, in part because I hear people say so many times, "I didn't even know about it."  (Maybe I just need to double-check the facts first!)

I'm a comfortable talker.  I don't mind speaking in public, for the most part.  I have led our church's Sunday School many years.  Not necessarily because I want to be the center of attention, as one of my daughter's friends likes to say, but someone has to do it and I really don't mind it.  If given the option of  teaching a class and being the superintendent, I'm going to opt for the superintendent job every time.  It is my comfort zone so-to-speak.

I could blame this problem on a job where I'm required to be quiet most of the day.  It's a speak-only-when-spoken-to situation in the courtroom. I actually live through it too.  Amazing, huh?  And maybe it's because I have to listen to other people talk so much?  Yeah, I'm sure that's it.  (I have to have something to blame.)

Isn't it kind of funny how last week I was on a noise and listening/hearing kick, and this week it's transformed into my mouth.  Do you see the connection?  OUCH.  My toes hurt.

I realize I will always be a talker.   I think it's just part of who I am.   But I am going to try, really try, to be more careful about my words.   (Just don't sit next to me during a ball game.  That will be part of Phase 2.  Baby steps...)