Pre-Parenting Tips 101

Commit yourself to instruction; listen carefully to words of knowledge.  (Proverbs 23:12 NLT)

I know the title is stopping people dead in their tracks (all five of you).  You know it's true, you're thinking there is no way this gal should be giving pre-parenting or parenting tips of any kind.  But it is my blog, I can write what I want, and today I'm going to pretend like I know something important enough to share here.

#1 DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY THE FOLLOWING, "My kid will never..." and you can fill in the blanks with whatever you would like.  I'm telling you this is just opening you up to a world filled with whatever you just said your kid would never do.  It is like an invitation for this to be the theme of your parenting years.  Because whatever it is that you said your kid would never say, do or be WILL HAPPEN.  You are cursing yourself and your child.  Just erase this statement from your memory bank...forever.
#2 DO NOT TELL GOD, "I don't know what I would do if..." Fill in the blank there, but mine was "I have a girl."  Ha, joke is on me.  I can't be a girl mom.  I hate pink and girlie things.  I was always sort of a tomboy.  What am I going to do with a girl and all that drama?  Well, hello, guess what?  I had a girl and so far we have survived.  I love her, wouldn't trade her for another boy and am so thankful that I got a girl!  (She is part tomboy too, no surprise!)  The thing is that none of know what we will do if...in any circumstance...

#3 DO NOT SAY TO OTHERS, "Well when I have kids..." and, you guessed it, fill in the blank.  Again, this is somewhat similar to #1.  When I heard this for the first time from someone else, who shall remain nameless, I had to laugh because I knew good and well how that was going to go. Sorry, but I had no clue what parenting was going to be like before I was a parent and you probably don't either...just sayin'.

#4 DO NOT UTTER THESE WORDS, "If that were my kid, I would..." Shame on me, I have said this many times and still do.  Hello, what am I thinking?!  That probably will be my kid now that I have sealed their fate by making that stupid, stupid statement.  Also, I don't know what is going on behind the scenes with another family situation.  Sometimes what appears on the outside is not at all what it really is inside the home...you know what I mean?

#5 DO NOT SAY THESE WORDS EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO YOURSELF, "If only they would just..."Oh yeah, I have said it and still say it.  Yikes.  When will I learn?  First it was if only they would just come out already...Then please, please if they would just stop crying, I would be happy.  Uh-huh, how about this, If only they would just sleep, eat, poop, sit up, talk, stand, walk, stop talking, stand still, sit down, SHUT UP.  I could go on and on.  Even at 11 and 7, I am repeating this mantra...Stop it I say!

#6 THIS IS A TRICKY ONE BECAUSE YOU WILL WANT TO SAY THIS OVER AND OVER, BUT DON'T FALL VICTIM TO THE "If I could just have some me time..."  Oh yeah, been there, done that.  Guess what?  When I finally get it, it's weird.  I am lonely.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I can sometimes find something to do, but it's not what I imagined it would be.  I just want someone back to keep me company. And you know, tell that to someone who has lost a child or is unable to have one...ugh...yeah, better just keep my mouth shut there.

I liked the scripture I found that I posted above.  I am certain the scripture text wasn't referring to my wisdom on parenting, but you can, you know, at least take my advice and store it for future reference.  And then when and if it becomes necessary, for crying outloud, re-read it.   You may also want to refer to the Bible during tough parenting times for support, guidance, encouragement, hope and peace, you will need it. 

All joking aside, I do love my kiddos, cannot imagine my world without them (how boring it would be) and wonder what on earth I did with all my time before they came along.  I remember thinking I had it all figured out and then realized I was completely and totally clueless.  We live and we learn.  It's fun to sit around and joke with other parents about this kind of stuff.  And I know that these don't apply to everyone out there...because I know there are some really perfect, top-of-the-line, parent-of-the-year award contenders out there...Hey, maybe I should go sign up.