How 'bout a trim?

Last week I got that dreaded text.  You know the kind that shocks you, that you just do not believe.  It wasn't bad necessarily, but it went something like this, "U will not believe what ur son did."  (Oh no, here it comes.)  Guess who that was from?  My daughter, who was basking in the light.  Finally, it was her moment to shine.  My sweet little man did something stupid and she was all about telling me.

A few texts back and forth and I was consumed by his senselessness.  It was a pit in my stomach.  Over and over I had those recurring thoughts of: "What was he thinking?"  "I can't believe he would do something like that."  "How bad is it really?"  And a few times the hopeful: "Maybe his sister is exaggerating."

Thankfully, his sister was exaggerating a little.  What he did was wrong and senseless and dumb and many other things, but it was certainly not going to be the end of the world.  He had, for whatever reason, cut a cute little girl's hair.  Ridiculous.  Madolyn made it sound like he had chopped every hair on the kid's head off.   It is noticeable, but not quite as bad as I envisioned after Madolyn's description (I later learned she hadn't even seen it).  I'm not trying to justify or minimize his actions either...He is nine years old.  He should KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.  Isn't this what little girls do???

I texted Jay and alerted him to the situation.  We talked to each other and decided that Lane would have to call the mother of the recently made-over recipient and apologize.  We knew it would kill him too because he is sort of shy about things like that.  I figured we would be met with great resistance when we told him he had to do this. 

Again, he surprised me and immediately took the phone and made the call.  I couldn't help myself and I stood outside his bedroom.  I was still uncertain of whether he would actually spit out the apology.  He did.  I was proud of him.  I wasn't proud of what he had done, I was proud that he owned it and apologized.  He had redeemed himself...a little.

It certainly was one of those mother moments I try to avoid.  You know, that moment when that thing your kid wouldn't do, they just did.  Two weeks ago, if someone would have told me, "Your son cut so and so's hair," I would've said, "No way, he knows better than that."  Uh-huh.  It's moments like this, that really put me in my place. 

Important Info

Warning:  Do not order things for your 94+ year old grandma from catalogs.  It will come back to haunt you.

My grandma has always done a lot of catalog shopping, or at least she has in the 38 years I have been around.  I can recall there always being a Harriet Carter catalog lying around somewhere; she loves to try out their handy household gadgets.  She likes to order clothes and shoes from Old Pueblo Traders.  Grandma was the queen of As-Seen-On-TV gadgets before they were popular; only she didn't see them on TV, she saw them in a catalog.

These companies are solid on their marketing ploy, by the way.  You order out of one, and three others get your name and address.  Soon your mailbox is full!  And the senior citizen who doesn't like to go out and about shopping (and doesn't surf the net) has everything imaginable at their fingertips.  This is the equivalent of online shopping for the elderly!

My mistake in all of this, and the reason for the post...my mom usually orders the items for grandma.  It takes forever.  The order form is filled out, the check is enclosed and off it goes via the postal service.  Six weeks later, the item arrives.  I'm a victim of the I-want-it-now generation and ordering the items online is so much quicker.  You place the order, fill in the address and billing information and you receive the item (if it's not back-ordered for 8 weeks like heel lifts...true story) within 10 days.  It's quick and easy.

The drawback...I am now on their mailing list, and that is not a good thing.  Yesterday I received two catalogs, the day before one.  I'm not a fan of junk mail anyway, and believe me, folks, this is junk mail.  In the trash they go.  They also retained my email address and those online offers flood my inbox...although the other day, I got smart and 'unsubscribed' to their solicitations.  Ahh.

The other problem with these catalogs...their content.  Heaven help me, one day as I was placing an order (for the heel lifts that are back ordered forever), I flipped through the pages and saw some things that were quite disturbing.  As in, they do not conjure up images I want to have...ever.  Knowing these catalogs are targeted for the elderly and seeing certain items for sale, ugh, it's nasty.  Not only that, I felt totally disgusting having the catalog and felt like I had to shred it before someone saw that I had a 'dirty' magazine.  (Sorry if you're eating your lunch or breakfast.)  Just another reason they immediately hit the trash can when I check the mail. 

Needless to say, I will be investigating how to remove myself from these mailing lists.  I don't mind ordering things for grandma (I know how she loves her heel lifts), but I may have to go back to doing it the old fashioned way.

Zip it please

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.  Proverbs 20:19 (NIV)

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.  Proverbs 17:27 (NIV)

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts. Proverbs 18:8 & Proverbs 26:22 (NIV) 

I'm having that problem again, the one where I keep running into the same verse or verses regarding the same thought.  Eeck.  Maybe it's because in my heart I know it's something I need to work on, maybe it's because God knows I need to work on it, and/or maybe someone near and dear to me is begging God to beg me to work on it.

I like to talk.  Really.  I mean, like a lot.  I find that I can't help myself.  If there is silence, I need to fix it.  If it is an awkward silence, I awkwardly fill it and it's a disaster.  Sometimes when I am talking, I actually tell myself to shut up because I know I am talking way too much, but it's almost as if I can't help myself...I'm an addict.

So I will consciously try to work on listening more and not talking as much, and then I'm pulled right back in to my comfort zone.  Then I wonder, maybe it's okay if I'm a talker...as long as my talking isn't negative or detrimental to another.  Some people are good listeners, maybe I'm more of a talker?  Someone has to do it, right?

I will say that I get it honest.  My grandma is a talker.  Sometimes when I'm listening to her talk, I think, "Wow, is this how it is when people have to listen to me talk?"  And although I don't want to admit it, I am sure it is!  Ahhh!  The Quackdaddy is a talker.  At this point, I'm not totally tired of hearing him talk yet, but given time, I could be...ha.   When he's 94+ years old and in the nursing home talking my ear off, I might have a change of heart. 

My family likes to tease me about always being on the phone.  I find that humorous because in reality, I don't like talking on the phone.  I would rather talk to someone in person.  I don't feel like I'm on the phone all the time.  Now, grandma was a different story.  Grandma used to be on the phone all the time...and for long periods of time, but that is sooo not me...not yet anyway.  I am still amazed that grandma doesn't want a phone in her room at the nursing home, but she has been persistent about it.  Hmm, maybe she was tired of it?

I guess the biggest problem with my gift-of-gab is that a lot of times, a conversation will become all about me, when really that isn't my intention.  I am working on this area.  I need to ask more about what's going on in others lives, not just focus on my own.  This is where I have a dilemma.  How do I draw the line between being truly concerned/interested and being nosey?  I find myself not asking questions if I'm not sure whether someone will regard my inquiry as prying.

Another drawback of my need to chatter: gossip.  I never set out to intentionally gossip, but it always seems to sneak up on me.  I find myself chatting along and then, Bam! I'm listening to myself say something about someone else that is nothing more than gossip, regardless of how I want to justify it (prayer request, concern, information, etc.)  I've heard all the tips to help you identify gossip before it leaves your mouth, and I think they are wonderful tips.  My problem is the tips don't reach my lips in time.  I find this especially hard as a parent of a 12-year-old daughter! 

In defense of the gossip problem, lately I have tried to keep to myself a little bit more than normal.  Oh my goodness, do you know how hard that is for someone who is social?  It makes me feel anti-social, like I do not want to be around people, but that's not it at all.  It's a problem I need to get under control and it's no one else's fault but my own.  I need to tame my tongue. 

The other snag with talking too much...it's hard to take back what you've already said.  There have been many times when I have said something, later found out it wasn't quite factual, and then had to retrace my steps to correct the information.  It makes me crazy.  It isn't necessarily always damaging information, but misinformation and I hate that. 

As an example, just last week I posted on Facebook about a Pancake breakfast for the wrong week.  Ugh.  I had to correct and repost.  Not a huge deal in the big picture, but my dilemma in this is:  Do I stop trying to promote events knowing I may occasionally screw up the information, or just risk the screw-up and continue trying to promote events?  It's a silly example, but exactly the type of thing I struggle with, in part because I hear people say so many times, "I didn't even know about it."  (Maybe I just need to double-check the facts first!)

I'm a comfortable talker.  I don't mind speaking in public, for the most part.  I have led our church's Sunday School many years.  Not necessarily because I want to be the center of attention, as one of my daughter's friends likes to say, but someone has to do it and I really don't mind it.  If given the option of  teaching a class and being the superintendent, I'm going to opt for the superintendent job every time.  It is my comfort zone so-to-speak.

I could blame this problem on a job where I'm required to be quiet most of the day.  It's a speak-only-when-spoken-to situation in the courtroom. I actually live through it too.  Amazing, huh?  And maybe it's because I have to listen to other people talk so much?  Yeah, I'm sure that's it.  (I have to have something to blame.)

Isn't it kind of funny how last week I was on a noise and listening/hearing kick, and this week it's transformed into my mouth.  Do you see the connection?  OUCH.  My toes hurt.

I realize I will always be a talker.   I think it's just part of who I am.   But I am going to try, really try, to be more careful about my words.   (Just don't sit next to me during a ball game.  That will be part of Phase 2.  Baby steps...)

Green thumb

As is customary, Jay has been researching a new project for the family.   We need something else to do in our spare time.  Wilhoit Family Project Take 85 - a garden - is now in progress.  We have tried in the past to have a garden...clay-like soil and roaming animals made it nearly impossible and we gave up.  For the last couple years, I have attempted to grow the cherry-grape tomatoes using the topsy-turvy or even just a simple planter.  Last year was successful with the topsy-turvy, and Grandma Great enjoyed cherry tomatoes all summer long.

Jay thinks we should have a garden and teach our children how to can our own vegetables.  But first, we need to learn how to do it.  I have assisted others in the canning process many years ago, but could not do it on my own.  We also need to buy some supplies.  I have one glass jar in the cabinet that I acquired somehow, but I am hoping to need more than one jar.

Jay had been researching pressure cookers on-line, and then a couple days later, the Boston Marathon bombing occurred so I think he's a little hesitant to continue the search for the best pressure cooker.  (Who would've thought something so innocent could be used for something so violent and malicious?)  Anyway, getting back to the point, the garden...and the supplies.

Last week he purchased the plants to put in the garden and they're waiting on the deep freezer in the garage for transplant to the garden.  And if it would quit raining anytime soon, (I know, I know, we will be begging for it later) they will make the move...hopefully, before they shrivel up and die (which has happened before).

This is supposed to be a family project...where we all participate in the planting, weeding and maintenance of the garden.  Madolyn will only help if there are watermelon.  I haven't asked Lane yet, but he's usually game for this type of stuff. 

We are getting 'barn' cats soon for the first time ever.  We are a little concerned about them using the barn for a potty.  I'm not sure how you train them to go elsewhere.  (Apparently cat waste in the barn is much worse than pig waste?)  Jay wants to put straw down in the garden after we plant the veggies to keep the moisture in the soil.  Hmm, think the cats will notice? 

The area of the yard where he has prepared the soil for the garden is between the barn and the pond.  Perfect.  It's also the area of the yard where they let the pigs loose to roam and run.  Also perfect.  Who needs a tiller when you have rooting pigs?  I think this garden thing is going to be great.

Smart phones...ugh

I've taken the plunge and upgraded my cell phone. I really had no intention of doing this so soon, but it was one of those deals I just couldn't pass up.  I went in the store asking about upgrading Jay's phone.  He has wanted a 'smart' phone for over a year now and he was ready to make the switch.  Unfortunately, because of people 'out there' who don't pay their bills, who get mad and change coverage without telling another person on their bill, etc, you can only have one name on the account.  My name is on the account so he can't do anything without my signature.  It's very frustrating and drives us both crazy.  However, he doesn't want it in his name because then he'll have to deal with everything on his own so it stays in my name.

So I went in to inquire about the phone and how much it would increase our monthly service fee, etc.  I had a question about getting a new phone too, although I did NOT want a fancy phone.  My phone had been double lettering and not spacing when I wanted it to.  It was getting to be frustrating and embarrassing because some of my texts that went out were awful to read!  I was adamant that I wanted a keyboard.  I'm a button-type of person.  I like buttons.  I love my Nook, but I don't care for touch screens where you would be typing much.  I can handle touching a few buttons here and there, but I did not want a touchscreen keyboard.  Not doing it.

I returned the following day to sign the paperwork so that Jay could come after work and get his phone all fixed up and ready to go.  While I was in there, I inquired again about me getting a new phone because of the problems I was having.  Because it a brand new store, there were some extra management team members in there, one who overheard my plea for a real keyboard.  He started inquiring and kind of half-teased me about the new technology, keyboards were on their way out (they only have two phones with them now), and that I would adjust and get used to it.  And since Jay was upgrading the plan, adding two more phones to the fanciness wasn't going to be any extra.

I told them I would think about it and come back in later with Jay.  As I was walking out of the store clinging to my prized slide-out keyboard cell phone that won't work properly, I found myself laughing.  I texted Jay and told him that I was going to consider the new fancy phone.  I explained to him what the people in the store told me, and that it occurred to me, upon leaving the store, how much I had sounded like the Quackdaddy just then. 

I was standing there at the counter pleading my case for a 'real' keyboard, resisting change, ignoring technology, refusing to adapt...and realized that I can butt the system all I want, but the system is not going to stop for me.  They aren't going to start mass producing slide-out keyboard phones because Sarah wants them when the majority of the population prefers the touch screen.  I either join the craze and adapt or struggle through repeated letters and no spaces on my slide-out keyboard.

I walked out of the store that evening with a penny 'smart' phone.  Although I could not figure out how to end a call, answer a call or silence a ring for the first week, I think I have those three features down.  It's quite an adjustment, but I'm working through it.  I must say I miss my buttons like I thought I would.  I do not find the touch screen keyboard easier to maneuver, I still make mistakes and have to go back, but the fancy features are nice.

I have made Jay promise to be my accountability partner in this though.  I really, really don't want to have my head down and playing on my phone everywhere I go.  I must admit it is so tempting.  I have only allowed myself to download one game (Mahjong), the Nook app and MyFitnessPal app so far.  I must remain strong...stronger than I was in the cellular phone store anyway...

Listening versus Hearing

"You have seen many things, but you pay no attention; your ears are open, but you do not listen." Isaiah 42:20 (NIV)

"...but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you.  But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward."  Jeremiah 7:23-24 (NIV)

When I was writing the blog the other day about noises, I started to write about listening versus hearing and decided that could be a post in itself.  So here we are.

I think about this a lot when I talk with Jay or when the kids are telling me a long, drawn-out story.  Jay hears me rambling on, and I hear my kiddos talking, but are either one of us actually listening?  This is obvious in situations where all of a sudden, in the midst of a conversation, you or someone else blurts out, "Wait, what did you just say?"  You caught one phrase that really jerked you back into reality and are now lost.  I've been on both sides of this for sure.

I tease Jay because I know that he hears me, he just tunes me out.  That's okay.  I have a tendency to talk a little too much (I get it honestly), and sometimes what I'm carrying on about is nothing he is interested in.  I must admit (just don't tell Jay) that when he starts in on the subject of the pigs, sometimes I zone out myself.  I know the subject matter, I just am skipping over all the details in his recitation.  Jay does this little thing where he'll say, "When Sarah starts talking, all I hear is blah-blah, blah-blah- blah..."  And actually, I don't doubt that that is all he picked up.

What will really put you in your place is when your kids call you out on it.  That is the worst.  If my sweet boy is in the right mood, he can drag out a story for 15 minutes.  He's so dang cute, but sometimes you almost have to pull the words out of his crooked teeth because he is so slow...and of course, I'm in too much of a hurry.  Ahh.  Shameful.  Madolyn is a different story because she's at that age where I actually would like her to talk to me, tell me something, anything about what happened at school today and I'd be eager to listen.

And isn't it something when you can ask your kids (in that motherly tone) to pick up their socks or coat off the floor, they don't 'hear' you (even though you're in the same room), but by golly, you mention going to Dairy Queen later for ice cream to your husband in very hushed tones, and their little ears perk right up. 

This might be a scary thought to those of you who don't quite understand the court reporting world, but there are many times that I'm not 'listening' in court.  I am hearing everything, and I'm (somehow) taking everything that's being said down, but I have no idea what is going on.  I can be thinking about what I'm going to make for supper, what I need to get at Walmart, etc, and still get every word being spoken in the courtroom.  Bizarre, I know. 

There have even been a few times I have zoned out and then kind of jumped (as if waking up) to realize I have no idea if I have been taking down anything because I can't remember what is going on.  Thankfully, I can look at my screen or my little laptop that I'm hooked up to and find that, yes, I was actually getting it.  Isn't our subconscious an amazing thing?

How about in church?  Do you ever kind of 'check out' of the sermon?  Ahh, no one wants to admit it, but we've all done it.  Your mind drifts off to another place.  You hear the preacher's voice, but you aren't retaining anything he's God's saying.  Can't you just imagine what God is thinking about this?  She is in the sanctuary, I see her sitting there, her eyes are open, but her gaze is blank.  She hears what the preacher is saying her, but is she listening to any of it?  Will she go out and make disciples of men?  Will she feed the poor or take care of the orphans and widows? Will she tell others that Jesus is alive and coming again?  Or will she only hear what she wants to hear and do her own thing, things in her comfort zone?

What if God gave the same attention to me that I gave to him when He is speaking?  What if God only heard our prayers and wasn't really listening to them?  Yikes, I don't like the 'sound' of that at all...

Noises

I am not a loud noise person.  By that I mean, I really don't like super loud noises.  I don't like reoccurring annoying noises that I get fixated on either.  A while back I told you about sleeping with the box fan on and how it drowns out all noises.  That's good because it drowns out all noises, but it's also bad because it drowns out all noises.  For instance, last night, I just happened to be awake around 3:30 (just happened, i.e., sweet Josie had crashed on my back and was purring loudly) and could hear something outside.  It sounded like a motor or engine.  Was it coming closer?  Was someone coming down our long driveway?  Jay heard it too and got up to investigate.

It was a train.  We live seven miles south of town.  It is not unusual for us to hear the train, but it seemed much louder than normal.  Jay works shift work and one of my biggest fears when he works nights is that someone will drive down our lane at night, either on purpose or by accident.  When I hear vehicles out on the main road, I will sit straight up in bed sometimes wondering if this is the night it will turn down our driveway and head for our house.  Thankfully our dogs will bark, or at least I hope they will, to let me know if someone has approached the house.

 And because I was wide awake and silently cursing the fan, the cat and the train, I started thinking about noises.

At work, I have trouble with noises.  Noises are always a problem for a court reporter because obviously we have to be able to hear to perform our job duties.  The windows in this courthouse desperately need replaced for a couple reasons, but cosmetically-speaking, they appear fine.  My guess is that unless you are on the inside trying to hear, and there is noise outside, you don't realize how much the sounds carry through those windows. 

We can hear actual conversations occurring outside on the sidewalk from the second floor.  No joke.  If you leave the courthouse happy, happy, happy and decide to sing a tune on your way, we can hear you.  If you leave unhappy and decide to curse and yell, we can hear you.  Loud and clear.  If a diesel truck drives by on Main Street, we can hear that engine.  If a motorcycle zooms by, yep, we hear it.  At Christmastime when the business across the street plays Christmas music over the loudspeaker, we hear it.  And although it doesn't bother me for the most part, hearing Celine Dion reach her top key over and over throughout the day begins to wear on a person.

Just last week, we had to tell the guy mowing the courthouse lawn to wrap it up.  When the mower or leaf blower is going, we simply cannot hear.  We're not being persnickety, it is very loud and drowns out everything we need to listen to on the inside.  The rule is, they need to be finished by 9:00 a.m., or mow later in the day.

As I was contemplating noises, I was reminded that a while back I commented to someone that I thought I would rather be deaf than blind.  I could not imagine not being able to see...but lying there in bed in the dark, I began rethinking this.  I get up and use the restroom at least once in the night.  I don't turn on a light.  I walk straight into our bathroom, feel for the toilet, do my business and return to bed.  I hardly even bump into things because I know the path...without even looking.

What would it be like to be able to walk around in the daylight but not hear one single sound?  When out on a walk, I know, without even having to look, when a car is coming close...because I hear it.  When Jay or the kids come in the house, I know, without looking, because I hear the door shut or their loud footsteps.  I don't need to be able to see to know that someone is calling me on the phone.  I hear it.

I'm not advocating for becoming blind anytime soon.  I can't imagine not having my sight or hearing.  Can't imagine.  But I do have a different outlook on hearing.  I didn't realize how important noises could be.  Maybe if I had to do without one sense, it would be smell.  There are many scents I would love to never smell again (Jay & Madolyn).