Thank you to everyone for the anniversary wishes and blessings. It was pretty uneventful, which is a good thing. Last year, I took off half a day of work and we painted the floor of our attached garage. This year we had a full weekend so we didn't schedule anything super fun like that again.
The Saturday evening before our big day, we spent at the little league football game. Madolyn cheers and we have a niece and several friends kids' who play. It was a nice evening, and at the end of the game, my brother and his wife took our kids home for a sleepover. Super cool. We have the rest of the night to ourselves.
When we got in the truck to leave the ball game, realizing we were child-less, we talked about the things we could do: Go see a movie? But, it's so late. Go out to eat? Shoot, we had a nacho-fest at the game and ate in the park already. Hhhhmm...
So at 9:00 on a Saturday night, without children...we headed to Wal-Mart. Jay showed me the card and a Chicago Bears shirt that he would've bought me, and he let me just look around without hovering (that's a big issue with us shopping together). Then we decided to splurge on some ice cream at McDonald's. How pitiful is it that we chose to go to McDonald's without children begging us to go?! But they do have the cheapest ice cream...and I am the frugal bugle...We finally got home about 10:30, exhausted, and quickly tuned into The Weather Channel for the latest on Hurricane Isaac.
(You know what 'they' say, that you marry someone like your father. Jay might disagree, but more and more, he's becoming the Quackdaddy! We have watched as much hurricane coverage on The Weather Channel as possible lately...and because he has Sirius radio in his truck and there is a Weather Channel station on there, I cannot escape it.)
Sunday we went to church, enjoyed a potluck for lunch (I pretended it was in our honor) and attended the Vision meeting for our church. Again, nice surprise, Jay's parents took our kids home from the meeting...an afternoon without the kiddos. Shoot, what do we do? We thought about taking a nap because of our late night, then decided it was a waste of the day...so after watching more coverage of the hurricane on TWC, we got a load of water for the horses, Jay went for a run, we headed to town to take a walk together and picked up our kids. We returned home, and again, tuned in for the latest hurricane update.
Jay works two weekends out of the month so it was great that he had the weekend off. We didn't do anything spectacular, but we were together. No complaints. We hope to do something spectacular in three years...of course, we thought we would do something spectacular on our 15th anniversary and it slipped past. If we don't watch it, one day it will be too late for the spectacular-ness. At one point Saturday evening (and many times while watching The Weather Channel), it dawned on me that we must be getting old...Dang it.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Delivering milk
Tell it to your children,
and let your children tell it to their children,
and their children to the next generation. Joel 1:3 (NIV)
Today during my visit with my grandma over my lunch hour, we started on one topic (old houses in Martinsville) and it lead to another topic (delivering milk in the '30s). Can you understand now how sometimes I get side-tracked?
As we talked, I was mentally taking notes, trying to ask questions, get a little more detail...but at 94 years of age, when Grandma gets on a roll...she keeps rolling and I just let her go. But here was what I took away from our visit.
As a little background, my grandma was one of five children and she was the only daughter (her poor brothers!) They lived on a farm just north of town. I always knew they had livestock and a farm, but I had never heard Grandma mention milk before. Part of that could be because my grandpa's family had a country grocery store near Allright, Illinois south of Martinsville. So if she's ever told me about milk, I might have thought it was after she married my grandpa and related to his family's store.
Anyway, we were talking about a house that had burnt down in town last fall and she told me about the Hainley family who lived there a long, long time ago. They owned the grocery store in Martinsville on the north side of the downtown on the west end (ha, there she goes with directions again;) near where Sinclair Implement was. She told me that her family provided all the milk to that grocery store for a while.
She described how picky her mother, Jess, was and how she would not let anyone touch those milk bottles because she did not want even a speck of dirt touching them. The boys were not allowed to mess with them. And one time when Jess and Ernie had to go north for three days, grandma and her friend, Jane, were in charge of the milk and getting it to the grocery store. Jess trusted grandma to be very careful and not let any speck of dirt get near those milk bottles.
After the milk was retrieved from their milk cows, it was thoroughly strained. She said they did not have good strainers back then so her mother used very clean cloths or pieces of material or fabric, putting one on top of another, to strain the milk because she did not want anything, not even a speck, to be left in their milk. (I can see where my grandma gets some of her little quirks.)
After their 'contract' ended with the grocery store, they ran a milk route in town. At one point she said they had as many as 50 customers. Grandma described how one of her brothers would drive the car and she or one of the other brothers would hop out and leave the milk. She said that at almost every stop, the milk bottle from the day before was cleaned and on the step or porch waiting to be exchanged. I asked how often they ran the route...every evening. Talk about a commitment! They delivered the milk in quart-sized milk jars similar to the one shown above. And of course, they were to be very careful with the jars so as not to get them dirty.
As we were talking, she stopped and I could tell something had popped into her head. She remembered that around the time of World War II when they were running the milk route, people were putting their Christmas trees outside on their porches and decorating them with lights and everything and it made the route kind of special during that time because they got to see all the different Christmas trees.
So that's the story of my grandma and her family delivering milk. It might be old news to the rest of my family and cousins, but it was interesting to me, and as soon as she started talking, I knew I wanted to write about it.
I love the scripture referenced above, it is one of my favorites...I realize in the context of the text in Joel, they're talking about an invasion of locusts, but I think it can apply to many things. It's good to learn about our ancestors and our history. It's interesting and, you know, it could come in handy one of these days...
and let your children tell it to their children,
and their children to the next generation. Joel 1:3 (NIV)
As we talked, I was mentally taking notes, trying to ask questions, get a little more detail...but at 94 years of age, when Grandma gets on a roll...she keeps rolling and I just let her go. But here was what I took away from our visit.
As a little background, my grandma was one of five children and she was the only daughter (her poor brothers!) They lived on a farm just north of town. I always knew they had livestock and a farm, but I had never heard Grandma mention milk before. Part of that could be because my grandpa's family had a country grocery store near Allright, Illinois south of Martinsville. So if she's ever told me about milk, I might have thought it was after she married my grandpa and related to his family's store.
Anyway, we were talking about a house that had burnt down in town last fall and she told me about the Hainley family who lived there a long, long time ago. They owned the grocery store in Martinsville on the north side of the downtown on the west end (ha, there she goes with directions again;) near where Sinclair Implement was. She told me that her family provided all the milk to that grocery store for a while.
She described how picky her mother, Jess, was and how she would not let anyone touch those milk bottles because she did not want even a speck of dirt touching them. The boys were not allowed to mess with them. And one time when Jess and Ernie had to go north for three days, grandma and her friend, Jane, were in charge of the milk and getting it to the grocery store. Jess trusted grandma to be very careful and not let any speck of dirt get near those milk bottles.
After the milk was retrieved from their milk cows, it was thoroughly strained. She said they did not have good strainers back then so her mother used very clean cloths or pieces of material or fabric, putting one on top of another, to strain the milk because she did not want anything, not even a speck, to be left in their milk. (I can see where my grandma gets some of her little quirks.)
After their 'contract' ended with the grocery store, they ran a milk route in town. At one point she said they had as many as 50 customers. Grandma described how one of her brothers would drive the car and she or one of the other brothers would hop out and leave the milk. She said that at almost every stop, the milk bottle from the day before was cleaned and on the step or porch waiting to be exchanged. I asked how often they ran the route...every evening. Talk about a commitment! They delivered the milk in quart-sized milk jars similar to the one shown above. And of course, they were to be very careful with the jars so as not to get them dirty.
As we were talking, she stopped and I could tell something had popped into her head. She remembered that around the time of World War II when they were running the milk route, people were putting their Christmas trees outside on their porches and decorating them with lights and everything and it made the route kind of special during that time because they got to see all the different Christmas trees.
So that's the story of my grandma and her family delivering milk. It might be old news to the rest of my family and cousins, but it was interesting to me, and as soon as she started talking, I knew I wanted to write about it.
I love the scripture referenced above, it is one of my favorites...I realize in the context of the text in Joel, they're talking about an invasion of locusts, but I think it can apply to many things. It's good to learn about our ancestors and our history. It's interesting and, you know, it could come in handy one of these days...
Monday, August 27, 2012
This and that
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| Early in the summer...when the grass was still green. |
First off, Lane having good 'ole fashion fun without his Wii, Nintendo DS, iPod, the television, a motorized vehicle, etc. He actually found something to do without any of the above! Water and dirt was all that was required!
 |
| Like a roller coaster - no hands! |
I love it when he finds stuff like this to do...except I was super nervous he would break an ankle. Sometimes it's better for mom not to watch, you know. Good to see those Tonka trucks he's outgrown being put to good use too! Little messy, but nothing a hose didn't fix.
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| The year of the Under Armour clothing |
I was with it this year and wrapped her presents so that she would have some to open on her actual birthday. It killed her knowing they were in the back of the truck and she couldn't touch them. Ha.
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| Neat cupcake carrier Grandma Barbara found. |
Funny thing, in the chaos of trying to pack everything and get food organized, etc, I put the cupcakes in the oven to bake, turned around to clean up my kitchen mess and saw the 1/3 cup of oil on the counter...oops. Guess what? No one noticed. They were a healthier version! And sitting in the heat for two days gave them some extra moisture :)
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| Yum-yum |
We're not sure why, but all of a sudden this past week, Hank went on a destruction spree and chewed up Lane's good boots and a brand-new pool floatie thing I bought for my niece and nephew to use at our house. I guess we had wrongly assumed that he may be over that destructive phase. Wrong-o. He did make it past his first birthday though - Wahoo!
You know Jay always teases me about how big my nostrils are when I flare them. I guess in this picture of Hank & I, "My, what big nostrils you have" might come to mind. It's so flattering, isn't it?
Friday, August 24, 2012
Happy together...
Seventeen short years ago on August 26, 1995, two youngsters got married...I was one of them. I still cannot believe that it's been 17 years. That really makes us sound like we're old, and I know we are not!
I know this picture isn't great, but it's a picture of the picture in a frame in my bedroom. When I look at Jay in our wedding pictures, he looks so young! And how do you like my hair? The bigger the better was the theme at the time. At least I'd cut it off or it would've certainly covered Jay's little face.
I loved the wedding dress that my mother-in-law made; I loved my bouquet that we put together with artificial flowers we bought from a floral/craft shop in downtown Effingham. I'm even wearing lace arm covering thingys. Can you see them?
A few weeks ago Jay was an usher at his cousin's wedding. I figured Jay wouldn't be in a tuxedo again anytime soon so getting a picture together was a must. I thought it came out pretty good and we finally look like we're old enough to be married;)
We have had a blessed life together. God has entrusted us with two beautiful children and many, many animals. (I think He's lost all control with the animal situation.) We have worked hard for 17 years, starting out living in a two-bedroom trailer with me trying to finish school to building our 'dream' house and having a little animal farm so-to-speak. We only have things to be thankful for, and I'm looking forward to 17 more years with my BFF.
Jay and I have said many times we're sure that no one out there could put up with the other, so we better just stick this thing out. As the Turtles sang out as we walked down the aisle 17 years ago, we are so Happy Together.
 |
| That was then... |
I loved the wedding dress that my mother-in-law made; I loved my bouquet that we put together with artificial flowers we bought from a floral/craft shop in downtown Effingham. I'm even wearing lace arm covering thingys. Can you see them?
 |
| and this is now. |
A few weeks ago Jay was an usher at his cousin's wedding. I figured Jay wouldn't be in a tuxedo again anytime soon so getting a picture together was a must. I thought it came out pretty good and we finally look like we're old enough to be married;)
We have had a blessed life together. God has entrusted us with two beautiful children and many, many animals. (I think He's lost all control with the animal situation.) We have worked hard for 17 years, starting out living in a two-bedroom trailer with me trying to finish school to building our 'dream' house and having a little animal farm so-to-speak. We only have things to be thankful for, and I'm looking forward to 17 more years with my BFF.
Jay and I have said many times we're sure that no one out there could put up with the other, so we better just stick this thing out. As the Turtles sang out as we walked down the aisle 17 years ago, we are so Happy Together.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Losing & Forgiveness
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)
Two of my favorite songs right now are on the same subject...I'm not sure if that's a little Godstop for Sarah or just happenstance...either way, I love them both. I have put links (if I did it right) to hear the songs I'm quoting in this post. The first song is Losing by Tenth Avenue North. This is off their new album recently released. It's a must-have for the Wilhoit's...we LOVE Tenth Avenue.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvgILBGcavQ&feature=related
Here are some of the lyrics from that song, "Losing."
"Well, I can't believe what she said. I can't believe what he did. Oh, don't they know it's wrong? Don't they know it's wrong? Maybe there's something I missed. How could they treat me like this? It's wearing out my heart, the way they disregard."
(Chorus) "This is love, this is hate. We all have a choice to make. Oh, father, won't you forgive them, they don't know what they were doing. Oh, father, give me grace to forgive them 'cause I feel like the one losing."
"It's only the dead that can live, but still I wrestle with this, to lose the pain that's mine, seventy times seven times. 'Cause, Lord, it doesn't feel right for me to turn a blind eye, but I guess it's not that much when I think of what you've done."
There's more to the song, but I really like the first two verses. And how true it is that if you are holding onto something or refusing to forgive someone...you are the one who loses. A lot of times the other person may not even realize how much whatever it was hurt you...so they're not losing sleep over it. Only you. It's always easier said than done, but you just have to give it to God and let it go or you will be the one losing...
The other new song is by Matthew West. He is one of my favorite songwriters, and he's a pretty good singer too. This song, "Forgiveness," is one that he wrote about a woman that had written him a letter telling him her story of forgiveness. Her daughter had been killed by a drunk driver. She ended up not only completely forgiving him, but more. If you have time, watch the link to hear the story. (It kind of goes on, but the first half is the main story behind the song.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9KI4grxLcY
Below are the lyrics to "Forgiveness." They are amazing too...
"It's the hardest thing to give away and the last thing on your mind today. It always goes to those that don't deserve. It's the opposite of how you feel when the pain they cause is just too real. Takes everything you have to say the word - Forgiveness..."
"It flies in the face of all your pride, moves away the mad inside. It's always anger's own worst enemy. Even when the jury and the judge say you got a right to hold a grudge, it's the whisper in your ear saying Set it Free - Forgiveness..."
(Chorus) "Show me how to love the unlovable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Help me now to do the impossible - Forgiveness, Forgiveness. Help me now to do the impossible - Forgiveness."
"It will clear the bitterness away. It can even set a prisoner free. There is no end to what its power can do. Let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace. The prisoner that it really frees is you - Forgiveness..."
"I want to finally set it free. Show me how to see what your mercy sees. Help me now to give what you gave to me - Forgiveness..."
Aren't those awesome words? That is some major forgiveness. When thinking about this woman, I couldn't help but think that she must have tons of good 'ole Jesus Love in her heart. Love and forgiveness certainly go hand in hand. I don't think you can fully forgive someone without having lots of love in your heart. And I'd say, it really needs to be that good 'ole Jesus Love in there.
I hope if you're struggling right now with something or someone you need to forgive, or even if you feel like you're the one that needs forgiveness, that you will be encouraged by these songs and this amazing story about Renee...and find that forgiveness so you can be set free.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)
Two of my favorite songs right now are on the same subject...I'm not sure if that's a little Godstop for Sarah or just happenstance...either way, I love them both. I have put links (if I did it right) to hear the songs I'm quoting in this post. The first song is Losing by Tenth Avenue North. This is off their new album recently released. It's a must-have for the Wilhoit's...we LOVE Tenth Avenue.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvgILBGcavQ&feature=related
Here are some of the lyrics from that song, "Losing."
"Well, I can't believe what she said. I can't believe what he did. Oh, don't they know it's wrong? Don't they know it's wrong? Maybe there's something I missed. How could they treat me like this? It's wearing out my heart, the way they disregard."
(Chorus) "This is love, this is hate. We all have a choice to make. Oh, father, won't you forgive them, they don't know what they were doing. Oh, father, give me grace to forgive them 'cause I feel like the one losing."
"It's only the dead that can live, but still I wrestle with this, to lose the pain that's mine, seventy times seven times. 'Cause, Lord, it doesn't feel right for me to turn a blind eye, but I guess it's not that much when I think of what you've done."
There's more to the song, but I really like the first two verses. And how true it is that if you are holding onto something or refusing to forgive someone...you are the one who loses. A lot of times the other person may not even realize how much whatever it was hurt you...so they're not losing sleep over it. Only you. It's always easier said than done, but you just have to give it to God and let it go or you will be the one losing...
The other new song is by Matthew West. He is one of my favorite songwriters, and he's a pretty good singer too. This song, "Forgiveness," is one that he wrote about a woman that had written him a letter telling him her story of forgiveness. Her daughter had been killed by a drunk driver. She ended up not only completely forgiving him, but more. If you have time, watch the link to hear the story. (It kind of goes on, but the first half is the main story behind the song.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9KI4grxLcY
Below are the lyrics to "Forgiveness." They are amazing too...
"It's the hardest thing to give away and the last thing on your mind today. It always goes to those that don't deserve. It's the opposite of how you feel when the pain they cause is just too real. Takes everything you have to say the word - Forgiveness..."
"It flies in the face of all your pride, moves away the mad inside. It's always anger's own worst enemy. Even when the jury and the judge say you got a right to hold a grudge, it's the whisper in your ear saying Set it Free - Forgiveness..."
(Chorus) "Show me how to love the unlovable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Help me now to do the impossible - Forgiveness, Forgiveness. Help me now to do the impossible - Forgiveness."
"It will clear the bitterness away. It can even set a prisoner free. There is no end to what its power can do. Let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace. The prisoner that it really frees is you - Forgiveness..."
"I want to finally set it free. Show me how to see what your mercy sees. Help me now to give what you gave to me - Forgiveness..."
Aren't those awesome words? That is some major forgiveness. When thinking about this woman, I couldn't help but think that she must have tons of good 'ole Jesus Love in her heart. Love and forgiveness certainly go hand in hand. I don't think you can fully forgive someone without having lots of love in your heart. And I'd say, it really needs to be that good 'ole Jesus Love in there.
I hope if you're struggling right now with something or someone you need to forgive, or even if you feel like you're the one that needs forgiveness, that you will be encouraged by these songs and this amazing story about Renee...and find that forgiveness so you can be set free.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
a little tip...
Last week my brother's email account was hacked and it sent out an email to everyone in their contact list asking for money because they were stuck in Spain, or something to that effect...I didn't open it. That is just what I gleaned from the subject line. And if you didn't know whether or not they were traveling, you may just believe it. My brother and his wife have done some traveling with a soybean group and have been out of the country a couple times so it's not entirely unbelievable.
Both my brother and sister-in-law texted me about this over the weekend. My kids heard me talking about it and asked what it meant. You should've seen their faces when I told them that there are really 'smart' people out there who break into people's email accounts and try to get their friends to send money or steal other personal information they may be able to use to get into a person's financial accounts. What? Yes, kiddos, there are people out there using their talents for evilness! It is so ridiculous...and frustrating! You could tell they were puzzled and didn't get it...neither do I.
Along with the soliciting email, this hacker or virus erased their entire contact list! Ahh. I can't imagine losing all of my email addresses. A similar incident happened to a friend a few years ago, and after that, I went in my contact list and printed it out. I now store it in my address folder at work for safe-keeping. I figure if that ever happens to me, I will at least have a list of the email addresses I had at the time I printed them.
I have heard before that if something like this happens with Facebook, you should change your password right away. I really don't know if this is true, but it can't hurt. In fact, I now change my password every now and then just in case...but I wonder if now that they have all of those addresses, if you should go ahead and change your password because maybe they are working on getting into those email accounts? Sorry, I'm not trying to cause paranoia, I'm just kind of thinking out loud on this one.
So my little tip for you is to take a few moments and print out your contact list. Store it away for safekeeping. You never know when someone, with obviously too much time on their hands, will decide to hack into your email account!
Both my brother and sister-in-law texted me about this over the weekend. My kids heard me talking about it and asked what it meant. You should've seen their faces when I told them that there are really 'smart' people out there who break into people's email accounts and try to get their friends to send money or steal other personal information they may be able to use to get into a person's financial accounts. What? Yes, kiddos, there are people out there using their talents for evilness! It is so ridiculous...and frustrating! You could tell they were puzzled and didn't get it...neither do I.
Along with the soliciting email, this hacker or virus erased their entire contact list! Ahh. I can't imagine losing all of my email addresses. A similar incident happened to a friend a few years ago, and after that, I went in my contact list and printed it out. I now store it in my address folder at work for safe-keeping. I figure if that ever happens to me, I will at least have a list of the email addresses I had at the time I printed them.
I have heard before that if something like this happens with Facebook, you should change your password right away. I really don't know if this is true, but it can't hurt. In fact, I now change my password every now and then just in case...but I wonder if now that they have all of those addresses, if you should go ahead and change your password because maybe they are working on getting into those email accounts? Sorry, I'm not trying to cause paranoia, I'm just kind of thinking out loud on this one.
So my little tip for you is to take a few moments and print out your contact list. Store it away for safekeeping. You never know when someone, with obviously too much time on their hands, will decide to hack into your email account!
Monday, August 20, 2012
What do you say?
Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
I must admit I'm rarely ever at a loss for words, which sometimes is to my detriment, I know. One of the things I struggle with the most is funerals. What do you say? What can I possibly say to the family standing there in the visitation line that every person in front of me hasn't said in one way or another? Sometimes I'm close with one or several of the family members and it is a little easier. Sometimes I get super lucky and the grieving family member takes care of it and breaks the ice first.
As I am waiting in the visitation line, I am usually trying to come up with something appropriate to say. It's particularly hard when the death is somewhat shocking. I have been fortunate enough in my life so far that I haven't had to be the one standing there on the receiving end. My grandparents have passed, but none of their deaths were a big surprise to us. It's always a comfort to know or (assume) that the deceased is a Christian and really is in a better place. You can go through the usual comments about heaven and seeing other relatives, etc.
One time in particular, I was super nervous about what to say. I cannot for the life of me remember whose visitation it was, but I remember that I said the absolute dumbest thing one could ever say...in response to their "thanks for coming, have a good evening" or the like, I responded "You too." As I walked away, I wanted to turn back and say, "NO, I didn't mean to say that!" It wasn't cruel or mean, but it was just stupid and perhaps, unthoughtful.
It is one of those situations where I know that nothing I offer can or will make anything better. I honestly do not have a clue how they feel and can't imagine what I could say to help. For someone who is never at a loss for words, it is pure torture. In those instances, I really try to think about what I'm going to say before I say it and pray that I don't get caught up in the moment and let something ignorant slip.
I was at a visitation last week for a community member and father of someone I went to school with. I did the usual rundown in my head as I sauntered up for my turn. The wife was super sweet (as always), and I managed to say something simple and un-stupid. I moved on to the children and their spouses, it went fine...as good as it could, you know.
We get back to Jay's parents house to pick up the kids who didn't want to go (and I learned a while back, a funeral home is not safe for my children - missing child...standing on stool overlooking casket). I run to the restroom real quick, and as I'm getting ready to pull down my slacks, I realize that my pants were completely unzipped. Of course. My guess is that no one even noticed...my hope is that no one even noticed. But all I could think of was, well, if they did, hopefully, they got a good laugh out of it.
This past weekend, in a neighboring town, two families lost children. One of the families lost a two-year-old from drowning in their pool. I simply cannot imagine their grief, their pain, their guilt and hope I don't ever have to. I'm not sure how I would handle a child's visitation or funeral. It's almost unbearable to even think about.
God mentions in the bible about being quick to listen and slow to speak. Most of you have probably heard that verse before. I know it often runs through my mind...and then right out as I sputter out something I shouldn't. But I found this verse and thought, you know, I truly intend for my words to be gracious and to offer comfort. They may not always come out that way, but that is my heart's intent. I suppose that, along with a hug or a handshake, and telling them they're in my prayers is all I can do...and maybe doublecheck my zipper.
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
I must admit I'm rarely ever at a loss for words, which sometimes is to my detriment, I know. One of the things I struggle with the most is funerals. What do you say? What can I possibly say to the family standing there in the visitation line that every person in front of me hasn't said in one way or another? Sometimes I'm close with one or several of the family members and it is a little easier. Sometimes I get super lucky and the grieving family member takes care of it and breaks the ice first.
As I am waiting in the visitation line, I am usually trying to come up with something appropriate to say. It's particularly hard when the death is somewhat shocking. I have been fortunate enough in my life so far that I haven't had to be the one standing there on the receiving end. My grandparents have passed, but none of their deaths were a big surprise to us. It's always a comfort to know or (assume) that the deceased is a Christian and really is in a better place. You can go through the usual comments about heaven and seeing other relatives, etc.
One time in particular, I was super nervous about what to say. I cannot for the life of me remember whose visitation it was, but I remember that I said the absolute dumbest thing one could ever say...in response to their "thanks for coming, have a good evening" or the like, I responded "You too." As I walked away, I wanted to turn back and say, "NO, I didn't mean to say that!" It wasn't cruel or mean, but it was just stupid and perhaps, unthoughtful.
It is one of those situations where I know that nothing I offer can or will make anything better. I honestly do not have a clue how they feel and can't imagine what I could say to help. For someone who is never at a loss for words, it is pure torture. In those instances, I really try to think about what I'm going to say before I say it and pray that I don't get caught up in the moment and let something ignorant slip.
I was at a visitation last week for a community member and father of someone I went to school with. I did the usual rundown in my head as I sauntered up for my turn. The wife was super sweet (as always), and I managed to say something simple and un-stupid. I moved on to the children and their spouses, it went fine...as good as it could, you know.
We get back to Jay's parents house to pick up the kids who didn't want to go (and I learned a while back, a funeral home is not safe for my children - missing child...standing on stool overlooking casket). I run to the restroom real quick, and as I'm getting ready to pull down my slacks, I realize that my pants were completely unzipped. Of course. My guess is that no one even noticed...my hope is that no one even noticed. But all I could think of was, well, if they did, hopefully, they got a good laugh out of it.
This past weekend, in a neighboring town, two families lost children. One of the families lost a two-year-old from drowning in their pool. I simply cannot imagine their grief, their pain, their guilt and hope I don't ever have to. I'm not sure how I would handle a child's visitation or funeral. It's almost unbearable to even think about.
God mentions in the bible about being quick to listen and slow to speak. Most of you have probably heard that verse before. I know it often runs through my mind...and then right out as I sputter out something I shouldn't. But I found this verse and thought, you know, I truly intend for my words to be gracious and to offer comfort. They may not always come out that way, but that is my heart's intent. I suppose that, along with a hug or a handshake, and telling them they're in my prayers is all I can do...and maybe doublecheck my zipper.
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