Pre-Parenting Tips 101

Commit yourself to instruction; listen carefully to words of knowledge.  (Proverbs 23:12 NLT)

I know the title is stopping people dead in their tracks (all five of you).  You know it's true, you're thinking there is no way this gal should be giving pre-parenting or parenting tips of any kind.  But it is my blog, I can write what I want, and today I'm going to pretend like I know something important enough to share here.

#1 DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY THE FOLLOWING, "My kid will never..." and you can fill in the blanks with whatever you would like.  I'm telling you this is just opening you up to a world filled with whatever you just said your kid would never do.  It is like an invitation for this to be the theme of your parenting years.  Because whatever it is that you said your kid would never say, do or be WILL HAPPEN.  You are cursing yourself and your child.  Just erase this statement from your memory bank...forever.
#2 DO NOT TELL GOD, "I don't know what I would do if..." Fill in the blank there, but mine was "I have a girl."  Ha, joke is on me.  I can't be a girl mom.  I hate pink and girlie things.  I was always sort of a tomboy.  What am I going to do with a girl and all that drama?  Well, hello, guess what?  I had a girl and so far we have survived.  I love her, wouldn't trade her for another boy and am so thankful that I got a girl!  (She is part tomboy too, no surprise!)  The thing is that none of know what we will do if...in any circumstance...

#3 DO NOT SAY TO OTHERS, "Well when I have kids..." and, you guessed it, fill in the blank.  Again, this is somewhat similar to #1.  When I heard this for the first time from someone else, who shall remain nameless, I had to laugh because I knew good and well how that was going to go. Sorry, but I had no clue what parenting was going to be like before I was a parent and you probably don't either...just sayin'.

#4 DO NOT UTTER THESE WORDS, "If that were my kid, I would..." Shame on me, I have said this many times and still do.  Hello, what am I thinking?!  That probably will be my kid now that I have sealed their fate by making that stupid, stupid statement.  Also, I don't know what is going on behind the scenes with another family situation.  Sometimes what appears on the outside is not at all what it really is inside the home...you know what I mean?

#5 DO NOT SAY THESE WORDS EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO YOURSELF, "If only they would just..."Oh yeah, I have said it and still say it.  Yikes.  When will I learn?  First it was if only they would just come out already...Then please, please if they would just stop crying, I would be happy.  Uh-huh, how about this, If only they would just sleep, eat, poop, sit up, talk, stand, walk, stop talking, stand still, sit down, SHUT UP.  I could go on and on.  Even at 11 and 7, I am repeating this mantra...Stop it I say!

#6 THIS IS A TRICKY ONE BECAUSE YOU WILL WANT TO SAY THIS OVER AND OVER, BUT DON'T FALL VICTIM TO THE "If I could just have some me time..."  Oh yeah, been there, done that.  Guess what?  When I finally get it, it's weird.  I am lonely.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I can sometimes find something to do, but it's not what I imagined it would be.  I just want someone back to keep me company. And you know, tell that to someone who has lost a child or is unable to have one...ugh...yeah, better just keep my mouth shut there.

I liked the scripture I found that I posted above.  I am certain the scripture text wasn't referring to my wisdom on parenting, but you can, you know, at least take my advice and store it for future reference.  And then when and if it becomes necessary, for crying outloud, re-read it.   You may also want to refer to the Bible during tough parenting times for support, guidance, encouragement, hope and peace, you will need it. 

All joking aside, I do love my kiddos, cannot imagine my world without them (how boring it would be) and wonder what on earth I did with all my time before they came along.  I remember thinking I had it all figured out and then realized I was completely and totally clueless.  We live and we learn.  It's fun to sit around and joke with other parents about this kind of stuff.  And I know that these don't apply to everyone out there...because I know there are some really perfect, top-of-the-line, parent-of-the-year award contenders out there...Hey, maybe I should go sign up.

Never satisfied...

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.   (Psalms 37:4 NKJV)

I am never satisfied.  I admit it.  When I'm hungry, you might as well get out of my way.  I will shove you over to get to the kitchen, fridge or buffet line.  Yes, I will take candy from my children or the last roll out of your hand. I get the shakes, have the sweats and my head starts spinning.  It's so funny if Jay is working days and the kids and I are waiting to eat supper with him, I will literally set the table and pace.  Then as soon as he walks in, I pounce.  I practically drag him to the table so we can pray and I can start eating...I don't even care if he needs to feed the animals, go to the bathroom, change his clothes.  Sit down now and let's pray a beautiful peaceful prayer of thanksgiving over this food...so Sarah can shove it in her face because we know she is starving to death.  Truly.

When I am full, same thing, you might as well get out of my way.  Do not touch me, do not bump me, leave me alone.  I feel like a stuffed pig and I probably need to unbutton my pants...or change into something with elastic, or maybe take a nap.  It will take hours to recover, and still I will not learn and may return to the kitchen for leftovers.  I know it is sickening, but it tastes so good today and tomorrow it won't.

Temperature, where do I start?  When I am cold, I am cold.  I am sorry you are hot.  I am sorry you are sweating.  I am not.  I am freezing.  See those goosebumps on my arms, they are real.  My hands are ice-like.  I am shaking and shivering.  My body is tense because I am so cold.  I know that you cannot understand how I can be cold when you are so hot, but it is what it is.  I have had my thyroid checked, it is fine.  I wear a sweater every day at work and almost always have a sweatshirt in the car just in case we go some place that is absolutely freezing.  I drink hot cocoa every morning and night, even if it is 100 degrees outside.  I like heat and warmth...unless I am hot. 

When I am hot, I am hot.  Get out of my way, I may even be sweating.  This does not happen very often, but if it does, seriously, stand back.  I could combust...especially if it's because I am hungry.  The worst part is that I mostly sweat in two places...my butt and my chest (I was nice, thank you).  So although I may look like I'm not hot, drops of sweat are soaking my undergarments.  When I stand up from sitting on that plastic bleacher, there will be wet spots on the seat or my pants.  It is awful, I really do not like to be miserably hot.  At night I'm like a fire ball.  I begin the night with a blanket and socks on...only to be kicking them both off around midnight because I am so stinkin' hot.

Take the Midwest, we're always ready for another season.  Fall hits and everyone loves the leaves changing and the cool night air.  Fall fades into Winter and we're excited for SNOW, but when it's snowing (too much) and there is ice and maybe the electricity is out for, oh, I don't know, let's say six days, and we've had enough, we are just praying for Spring to come.  When Spring comes, we just wish it would stop raining so that everything wouldn't be so sloppy and the farmers could plant, the kids are dying for school to be out and wanting Summer to hit. Then, when we finally hit Summer, we are begging for the cooler temperatures of Fall.

Last Sunday during church there was a lot of talk about needing rain.  Of course, the need for rain was mentioned in prayer, but we also praised God for the sunshine and even the warm temperatures.  He knows what we need, which unfortunately, isn't always what we want.  When I walked out to my car after church, there were rain clouds to the north.  Amazing, it was going to rain...and it did.  Praise the Lord. 

I suppose it is just our human nature.  Eve could've refused the bite of the apple, but she didn't.  It was just the beginning.  I'm a lot like Eve at times, I am never satisfied.  I always want something else; then when I get it, sometimes I wish I hadn't.  I realize though it is because I am trying to 'satisfy' myself with things of this earth.  That is my mistake.  I know these are silly examples, but my point is that if I want to be fully satisfied, I must first delight myself in the Lord.  I must first be thankful for what I do have, what He has given me and fill myself with His word. 

I'm thankful that God will provide for me, in whatever circumstance, what it is that I need.  He knows the desires of my heart and He knows what is really important.  Am I going to starve to death if it's 6:35 pm and Jay is running late?  Probably not.  I may be a tad grouchy until I get food in my system, but I'm not suffering by any means.  I don't even know what real suffering is.  Thankfully, someone else took care of that for me.

Part II, the rest of the story...

‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.  (Mark 12:31 NLT)
So here is the really cool part of yesterday's post.  Last November we lost two of our goats, Sandy, Madolyn's precious pet, and Gidget, the goat that Lane & Jay had driven to Tennessee the year before to buy.  Those two and our two others, Pearl & Dottie, were pregnant.  We were preparing for lots of babies in February.  Unfortunately, there was a meeting of sorts between Sandy, Gidget and our neighbors' dogs.  We didn't realize it at first and were blaming the coyotes.  When the second time came around, we figured it out.

Needless to say it was not a good situation.  Sandy & Gidget did not survive.  Everyone was upset and angry.  There were no major blow-ups, no harsh words, nothing that even left hard feelings between us.  Our neighbors were gracious.  They made several offers.  We declined.  We are neighbors, we told them, our kids go to school together, we now attend church together.  We can't have this coming between us, and these things do just happen sometimes (shush, I know they happen way more at our house than others, but still...)  We have to work this out.

I have lived in the same spot, sorta, almost my entire life.  I was born and raised there, moved away for about four years, built a house and moved back.  When I saw that my previous neighbors put the For Sale sign in their yard, I was bummed.  Who on earth will move in?  What if they're awful?  What if they do this or that?  What if they are hard to get along with?  What if...  We were so thankful when someone finally bought the house next to us, and even more thankful when we discovered who it was because we already knew them and they had kids about the age of ours.  How awesome to live seven miles from town, out in the middle of nowhere and actually have neighbor kids, within walking distance, that you can play with!

So back with my original story, we came to an agreement with our neighbors, they would get rid of their dogs and we would just forget the whole thing.  We were good.  We moved on.  Fastfoward to the 4H livestock auction.  As I was saying in the previous post, I was struggling to get a good picture of Madolyn and Dude in the show arena, but for some reason, (ugh) this young man would not let go of Dude's tail.  Apparently, he thought Madolyn could not handle her little Dude and was trying to "help" out by hanging onto his tail.  It was annoying the heck out of me.  My mind was screaming, "LET GO OF THE GOAT.  SHE CAN HANDLE THE GOAT.  YOU ARE MAKING HER LOOK LIKE SHE CANNOT HANDLE HER GOAT!"  Outside appearance, however, I was zooming in, zooming out, reaching here and stretching there with my camera, muttering "get out of the way."  No picture.

And then it was over.  I had no idea who bought the goat, but I saw the smile come across my very anxious daughter's beautiful face and knew all was well.  My mom leaned over and told me that our neighbors had bought the goat and given it back.  Oh, the joy that filled my soul...(you know the song...sing it.)  Seriously, if I were a crier, the tears would've flowed.  I stood up and looked at them and mouthed "Thank you" with a smile.  They knew, I knew, we all knew why they had bid on Dude.  It was precious. 

4H teaches many lessons, but so does life.  What was just several months ago a very upsetting ordeal had resolved with a very happy and surprise ending.  We offered forgiveness and had let it go many months ago; they offered love and have hopefully received the peace they needed from the situation.  We are to love our neighbor as ourselves.  It is the greatest of His commandments.  We love our neighbors, and they love us (I think). 

If you didn't read yesterday's post, I mentioned that at one point during the auction, Madolyn told me something about God working things out and how things happen for a reason...funny how things come full circle, huh?

Off to the market...

Shout to the Lord, all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy!  (Psalm 98:4 NLT)
Last night was the livestock auction at our county 4H fair.  It was the first time I had been since I was a senior in highschool when I auctioned off Bud, my hereford steer.  Of course, Madolyn was on the second-to-last-page so we had a long night of waiting and watching, but it wasn't that bad.  Madolyn was a nervous wreck because choosing to auction your livestock means you no longer own the animal, and unless the buyer gives it back, it goes home with someone else...or on a trailer to MARKET.

Now, the whole point of raising animals on the farm is for them to go to market, right?  God created animals for us to eat.  We are meat eaters and are not afraid to eat the beef from the cows that graze the pasture next to our house (or even our yard if they get out of the fence).  We do not, however, eat goat.  So I suppose we are sending our kids the wrong message.  "Yes, honey, it's all part of the 4H experience, you raise the animal, you show it and you sell it.  You are paid for your hard work and efforts.  If they end up going to slaughter, so be it.  They are an animal.  It is life."  But we are not eating goat.

This is Madolyn's third year of 4H.  The first year we went out and bought $50 goats, Sandy & Patrick (Sponge Bob...ha).  Patrick didn't last long...go figure.  Sandy, however, survived us and Mad showed her the first year and got several awards for her.  Awesome.  Fast foward to last year.  We prepare her to sell her goat at the auction...we get to the fair and realize we screwed up and she cannot be in the auction.  Madolyn is praising the Lord because she did not want to sell her dear friend, Sandy...who was simply a dog in goat's clothing.  (Sandy was a pet, visits in the house, roamed the yard, etc.)

This year we explain to her that if she wants to get any money from her projects, she will have to be in the auction, plain and simple.  Okay, she says, I'll do it.  We sign Dude up for the sale.  Fair week comes.  The little comments start.  "So now what happens to Dude after the auction?"  "Do they always give the goats back?"  "Do you think there's a chance I'll get Dude back?"  "No one wants a goat, right?"  And again, we are replying as neutrally as possible, "Sweetie, there is no way to know." "It's just the risk you take."  "You want the money, right?" (Sounds awful, but that's what it comes down to, you know.)

By last night she was a nervouswreck.  Like I mentioned earlier, Mad was near the end of the list.  I think that turned out to be a good thing because as she watched, over and over, 4Her's were allowed to keep their chickens, rabbits, sheep and goats.  There were a few that weren't returned, but very few.  She would leave my side where we were watching the auction, go back and "love on" Dude, come back for a while and repeat the process.  Then she says "Well, all things happen for a reason, right?  God does things for a reason so it's okay, it'll work out."  Oh boy, this is not going to be good.

Finally, the time comes for Madolyn and Dude to take their turn in the arena.  Madolyn and Dude circle the arena several times...I'm trying to get a decent picture, but I couldn't (don't even get me started) I can't keep track of who is bidding...and then it's over, just like that and I hear it...the sound of the angels and their trumpets...our dear neighbors bought Dude, the goat, and gave her back.  Madolyn was elated...I was elated.  Dude was not going to market, all is well in goat land, although Dude didn't seem to care one way or the other...Get this collar off of me and where is the hay...was what I gathered from Dude's expression.

It was a good night.  It's amazing the amount of generosity in the community for these kids and their projects.  The night before at the food auction, $10,000 was generated by the bids.  That seems incredible to me.  Thank you, Clark County.  And thank you to our neighbors for saving Dude from the market!! There is a part II to this story, but it will have to wait until tomorrow...

Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm an addict...

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.  (Proverbs 26:11 NLT)

Yes, it's true, I have addictions.  Let me just summarize a few that seem to really have a hold on me currently.  #1  Diet Pepsi...not just any Diet Pepsi either.  I need a 32 oz. Styrofoam cup with lots of ice and very sweet fountain Diet Pepsi.  I can tell you just about anywhere (I travel on a regular basis) where you can get the best D.P., and if they do not have the right cup (Casey's-just sayin'), then it does not warrant a purchase.  Seriously.  Sometimes if I'm desperate, I can use a smaller Styrofoam coffee cup there, but it's just not the same...and it's only about half the normal size.  Bummer.  I can tell if the CO2 is not right and/or if they have adjusted how much syrup is released.  I have learned these things.  If the gas station owner is super greedy and doesn't care about my business, he will be chinsy on the syrup and I will not return.  Thankfully, our local gas station understands my addiction and feeds it...to their benefit, I may add.

#2   Sweets, in general.  My daughter was baking cupcakes when I started.  Lord, help me, please.  She is my enabler.  I know I created her to be a little Betty Crocker because I used to make "junk" constantly...until I hit about 30 and then the junk went in the trunk, if you know what I mean.  I like a good 'ole box cake mix...even just a plain one, without icing...We (oh, yeah, Jay too at times, I'm not in this alone) will eat an entire cake in one evening, one small slice at a time.  It's pitiful.  Oatmeal cookies...hello, it's fiber, right?  Most of the time when we make oatmeal cookie batter, it doesn't even make it to the oven.  No joke...we stick it in the fridge and eat it out of the bowl.  Literally, there will be three spoons sticking out of it...What an example, huh?

#3   Scrapbooking supplies.  Note I didn't say scrapbooking, I said scrapbooking supplies... That's right, I collect supplies.  I have the cutest scrapbooking totes and materials, scissors, stickers, stamps, pages, markers, pens, glass cutter, paper cutter (two sizes)...I could go on and on.  And I have oh, about 4000 pictures sitting in piles and/or boxes...Catch that?  I didn't say they were in scrapbooks...they're waiting to be put in the scrapbooks with all the cute supplies and materials I collect.  It is really sick.  Madolyn has picked up the scrapbooking bug and completed her first scrapbook for 4H so maybe, just maybe I can collect the materials and she will put them to use.  Man, I hope so.  It's going to get the best of me!!

I know these few that I have mentioned seem harmless, I know in the big picture, they're not necessarily going to kill me or hurt someone else.  I realize I may not be arrested and thrown in jail because of them or lose my kids.  But because of the work I do, and because of a lot of the people and situations that I come in contact with, I think a lot about addiction and how hard it is to overcome them.  You know we've all thought it, Why can't they see what this is doing to them?  Don't they see they are losing everything, including their children?  Why can't they just stop?  Don't they think more of themselves than that?  How hard can it be?  What is it going to take?  How far do they have to go?

My point being is this...I, myself, have my own little addictions.  They may be harmless now, but what if they progressed?  What if they did take over my life?  Do I want to go without my Diet Pepsi every morning?  No...and why should I?  It's not hurting anything, right?  What if my collection of scrapbook supplies got to the point of hoarding or got in the way of buying my kids' clothes or school supplies?  What if my eating habits got so bad I was unable to function as the parent of young children or put my health in jeopardy?  In fact, whenever I try to quit something and I feel like it's just too hard, I think of other addicts who battle drug or alcohol addiction and think, no wonder, they have such a hard time, I can't even give up caffeine or chocolate or TV or whatever it may be, geesh, who am I kidding?

I have come to learn that before judging an addiction of someone else, I have to look at my own.  Even harmless addictions can become a problem if we let them take over our lives.  At times I am no better than a drug addict.  My morning can take a nose dive if the gas station is out of D.P., no joke. In a nutshell, I think moderation is the key.  It's when we go overboard and become dependent on things that is the problem.  Really our dependence should come from the one and only God.  But as long as I can get Madolyn to quit baking junk and instead finish my scrapbooking projects, I should be okay, that would take care of at least two of my problems, but I am so not ready to let go of that 32 oz Styrofoam fountain Diet Pepsi just yet... 

I am not kidding...

Sunday afternoon I sent Madolyn over to my mom's and my aunt's house with her cheerleading fundraiser.  She drove our ridiculously over-sized four-wheeler (can you tell I think it is too big?) over.  She is somewhat crazy when driving ATV's and other motorized vehicles.  We are always telling her to slow down, watch what you're doing, wear your helmet, etc.  Every time she heads out on that humongous beast of an ATV, I whisper a prayer for safety...

So she comes back and tells me of her fundraising success and that is the end of it, I thought...until we are rolling down the driveway after delivering her goats to the 4H fair on Sunday night.  It was around 10:30 pm and we had had a small storm, wind, hard rainfall, etc. earlier that afternoon.  We come down the drive, we are all exhausted and Madolyn says "oh, is that a pine tree laying over?"  Jay stops the truck, rolls down the window and lo and behold there is a pine tree from our windbreak laying over. 

Jay asks the question, "And how did that happen?"  Madolyn, of course, stumbles and stammers and then starts with "Well, grandma's dog was chasing me on the fourwheeler and crossed my path..."  I started cracking up because I had just posted about my pine tree woes and I had to share this.  I suppose like mother, like daughter...

Heart, head, hands & health...

The Clark County 4H fair is in full swing.  We have been preparing for this for several months now...mostly.  Up until Saturday morning around 9:20, Madolyn was still putting final touches on her scrapbook which was to be judged around 10:15 (you know, in less than an hour)...but that is how we roll around here.  That is the only general project for Mad this year, thank heavens, and she got an A with a blue ribbon!

Then there's the horse, Woody.  Woody is a big, beautiful guy in his mid-teens.  He & Mad hit it off the first time they met, and minus a rough patch last year, have done very well together.  Thankfully, Woody has come to his senses and returned to his old self.  He was for sale for a while (which is better than the alternative around here, nothing intentional, just seems to be the norm) but we couldn't get rid of him and now I'm glad that we didn't.  Woody and Madolyn will be showing off in the horse ring later this morning.  It was priceless last year during the horse show when Madolyn & Woody were doing barrels, everyone was cheering for Woody (as in hurry up, you old horse) and clapping and yelling for them.  I loved it.  I just laughed because I knew why they were cheering.  He's not exactly known for his speed, but he carries on.  They did great, especially for it being their first time in a real competition.  No awards, but they completed the classes and there were no major mishaps.  I'm looking forward to another performance today.

Tomorrow is the goat show.  We lost our beloved, Sandy, this year so it will be a little different without her in the ring.  Madolyn showed her the first year of 4H and received Grand Champions on her; showed her last year and got another Grand Champion with her.  She was so gentle and sweet.  This year the main attraction will be Dude.  Dude, twin to Dodger the blind and somewhat retarded goat, is looking pretty good so far.  He is very friendly and doesn't mind Madolyn pulling him around to and fro.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Madolyn does such a good job in the ring.  She takes it seriously and tries so hard to do everything right.  It makes my heart swell with pride when I watch her maintain her composure as an unruly goat tries to pull away.  Last year right when the judge looked her way, she walked in front of the goat during the showmanship competition.  You could just see her facial expression, it told the story.  'Oh crud, I just screwed up.'  The judge kinda laughed as he told her, "Young lady, you knew what you did wrong as soon as you did it, didn't you?"  He couldn't give her Junior Showmanship, she received the Reserve.  It's okay, she did a great job and we were proud of her, of course.  The key was that she knew what she had done wrong when she did it and I bet she doesn't do it again.

4H is such a great program.  It's not just about animals and farm life.  There are lots and lots of general projects to choose from.  This year I was a judge's helper and I learned a lot about the various project choices available to kids.  I really had no idea.  It's awesome to see these kids' work and hear them describe what they did, why they did it and see their confidence.  I believe it really does help prepare kids for their futures and I encourage you to support your local 4H program if possible.  With our great state's financial situation, programs like these are having their budgets cut in many ways.

Ask me, oh, about Wednesday morning how I feel about my heart, head, hands and health...I bet I won't be so chipper...but we'll relax, regroup and start planning for the next year.  Lane has another year to wait and then he would like to show pigs...Heaven help us!