My BFF

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  (Ephesians 5:33 NLT)

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary.  It is crazy to think that I have been married 16 years.  Why, I'm barely a day over 20.  Wait, that was when we were married.  Barely 20 years old.  I know I told you before, but looking at our wedding picture...wow, we were young-looking.  Craziness.

With people getting divorced everywhere you turn, marriage is a little scary these days.  It is truly a risk, a gamble of sorts to say "I do" to the vows which say TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.  The way people change one never knows what could happen twenty years later.  I am sure I have changed.  I imagine Jay has changed too.  But we have done a lot of that changing, molding and shaping together.  I would hope we have changed as a couple for the better.  Here are a few things I think contribute to our 16 years of wedded bliss (ha):

First, I think one of the most important things is that we started out as friends before we ever dated.  I can think of one couple that Jay and I are friends with and I remember saying to Jay once, I don't think they'd even be friends if they weren't married.  Yikes.  I like Jay.  I liked him when I was five years old in kindergarten.  I liked him back when boys were icky.  I like him as a person.  He is funny.  He is a hard worker.  There are many reasons I like him.  I really think there is a difference between love and like.  I like a lot of people that I don't necessarily love and I love a lot of people that I don't always like all the time.  I'm thankful that I not only like but love my BFF, Jay.

Another thing that Jay and I are in agreement about is that we are a team, but we don't tell each other what to do.  I may offer an opinion (one that would be in his best interests to listen to) but I try very hard not to tell him a downright no on something...and believe me, people, this guy comes up with a lot of crazy stuff.  He does the same.  We try to talk through important things together and rationalize if they are beneficial to our family.  I use the word "rationalize" which is kinda funny considering some of the decisions we've made!!

Third, we try to do things together as much as possible.  We don't need to be hovering over one another at every opportunity, but we try to hang out and spend time together when we can.  Jay works shiftwork so we have very different schedules.  We have to make an effort to prioritize our time and use it wisely.  Now that we have kids, it's a bit harder and much of our spare time is with our kiddos, but we also try to have date nights and time when it is just us.  I read once that if a husband and wife really take time out to make their marriage strong and spend time together, just the two of them, it will benefit the family as a whole and make their children's future relationships better.  Makes sense.  Kids mirror our actions.  I hope our kids take note that Jay and I have fun together.  We laugh together.  We sometimes work hard on a project together.  We go to church together.  We make it a priority every now and then to be alone together.  We get through difficult times together. 

And since I'm not an expert in marriage or writing a book about it, I will try to wrap it up soon.  I may not always agree with my BFF's crazy ideas, but I try very hard to support him.  I should be his number one fan.  In turn, he tries very hard to be supportive of me.  He at least pretends to hear what I have to say and does a good enough job that he fools me most of the time.  Our focus is on each other and not just ourselves.  That is the way it should be, not just in marriage, but in everything.  The Bible tells me so.

My final thought is this, the most important ingredient to a marriage is Christ.  God tells us that we are to leave our mother and father and become one.  We are to submit to each other.  We are to respect one another.  And we are to love one another.  A marriage without Christ is not a winning situation.  He should be the center of all things, including a marriage.  Today, I'm thanking God for the 16+ years that I have had with my Christian husband, Jay, my BFF.