Hold it right there, Niagra Falls...

This may be a little TMI for some of you, you have been warned.

As a follow-up to my post about blood draws and drinking all the water, let me move on to test number two - the urine test.

The #1 side effect to drinking water all day long is having to use the restroom all day long.

When the sweet lab tech asked me if I thought I could give a urine sample, I laughed and said, "Anytime, anywhere."  And I meant that.

So I take the plastic cup and the little wipe (this is something new in the past few years, I think) into the bathroom.  Just looking at a toilet gets things flowing, if you know what I mean, and the pee dance begins.

I do the necessary cleaning and squat down with the tiny cup in hand.  I'm busting at the seams anyway and ready to finally let it go.  It doesn't take long to fill the cup.  (It is at this point I wish I had another one of those wet wipes handy.)

As I sit there, thinking this has to be much easier for a man (i.e. aiming in the cup), I see the instructions on the little trap door.  Snap.  I probably should have read those before I started this whole process.

I immediately take issue with step #3.  "Urinate a small amount into the toilet." Seriously?  You're telling me I am supposed to go a little, stop, put the collection cup in the stream and then fill it 1/2 - 3/4 full?! Ha.  I would have to shut the spigot off again and that is not happening.  I could just about fill a quart jug, I'm tellin' you.  And once it starts, there is no stopping it.

I start laughing because it is so ridiculous.  Obviously, a female, who is nearing 40, has given birth and consumes large amounts of water was not consulted during the instruction-creating process.  I'm also wondering if the lab tech is curious about what in the world is taking me so long?

I gather my thoughts, my britches and the plastic cap for the 'collection' cup and wash my hands/wrists/forearms thoroughly (although really I feel as if a full-blown shower is in order), place the tiny plastic cup behind the little bitty door and exit.  I think I was successful in obtaining a sample, although I can't be sure nothing was contaminated.

Next time, I'll be ready.  I'll go to the restroom right before I go in to the lab...because there's just no holding it back.